individuality?

they say, be different. stand out from the crowd.
we're always encouraged to embrace our individuality. be unique.
but...if you tell that to everyone.
then doesn't that make us all the same again?
and suddenly, we're all unique. just like everybody else.
just a thought.

image: http://www.redbubble.com/people/petejsmith/art

reality.

it's amazing how many times i hope i'll just wake up some morning,
and all my problems will magically be solved. every last worry and care
will just vanish as if they were never there.

but as of right now.
i've come to realize...that won't happen.

problems are a reality.
and you can't fix reality.
you can only endure it.

tomorrow.

It's amazing how much the thought of tomorrow upsets me.
Not any specific tomorrow.
Just in general.
I've given up that feeling of excitement for a new day.
Maybe that's just the pessimist in me.
But it's true. It's been a looong time since I was truly excited to wake up the next morning.
I'm not saying I take life for granted. At least, I try not to.
I'm just saying that I wish I had something to look forward to.
I very often stay up late at night, just so that tomorrow won't come any sooner.

I'm trying my hardest to Carpe Diem, or 'seize the day' but that's hard when life gets in the way.

Positivity.

I try not to be negative.
But I always seem to be.
I like to think that if I surround myself with positive people I'll eventually become more positive.
I truly beileve that.
That's what I'm currently striving for.
I don't need more negativity in my life.
Right now. I'm really positive.
And I love this feeling.

Thayne...

Ooooh my. You may possible be the cutest thing I've seen in a long time.
When I heard that you would be arriving soon, I'll be honest, I wasn't happy.
In fact I was furious. I couldn't believe this mistake had been made again.
It took her months before she told us you were coming.
Normally she only calls when she needs something. I guess this time all the needed was support.
Which I wasn't ready to give.
This was the third time this had happened.
The first time, I was thrilled! He were perfect.
The second time, I was excited, but naive. There were complications. No one got to meet her/him.
Now, the third time, I was having none of it. She'd made this mistake, she could deal with it.
But then...she and I started getting along. It was amazing. We hadn't talked in months. But suddenly we were talking, laughing, and joking like I'd always wished we could have.
She was suddenly a part of my life, and I loved it.
So you can imagine my joy when we got the call. We happened to be only 5 miles away from where you were resting.
With a hard left we were there. It was late, 11:15pm to be exact. But we were determined to see you.
We arrived at room 203. She looked so tired. I can't blamer her. They say this is one of the hardest things a woman can go through. But after seeing him, I know it was worth it.

I won't lie. I wasn't happy when I heard how you came to be in this world.
But now, I can't imagine my world with out you.

Meet: Thayne Michael, 7/25/09, 6lbs. 2oz.
I'm an aunt again. 4th time over.
And I love it.

The days of yellow school busses are gone.

It's amazing. I used to be nervous for the first day of school. This year, I'm just annoyed.
That probably sounds bad. But, it's true.

Basically, I wake up early, scrounge to find a parking spot, go to classes where the teachers almost always annoy me, get assigned a stack of homework that doesn't teach me anything, eat a lunch that hardly qualifies as food, try not to get run over in the stampede out the door at the end of the day, check my car for scratches, try to get out of the parking lot with out getting hit.

Sounds like a great day huh?
.sigh.

I know I probably sound like I'm complaining alot. School isn't actually that bad. It seems like my class has finally evolved into semi-respectful human beings. That is until the last period of the day. That's when the itching starts. Fingers start tapping on the tops of desks. All eyes slowly migrate to the clock. All hope is lost for any information to set into our easily distracted minds. Those poor teachers. We're all just waiting. Waiting for freedom. Freedom known as 3:33pm.

But then again, they can't really blame us. They say the junior year is the hardest.
Although I'm not really sure how you can judge that.
Every year you develop a little more. You can never really judge which class has it the hardest. You have different classes, different teachers, different stress. I feel every year is equally hard.
I have a friend who is a senior this year. Just one year ahead of me. If I ever say anything about something being hard she simply shouts at me, "You think your classes are hard?! Try being in my classes!"
You know what? Some day I will. And my classes are hard for my level of school. You can't compare these things, and I'm tired of people trying to.

Another thing. I'm also tired of being generalized with my class. This morning I was told, "You juniors need to learn how to park! There is so much space between the cars that a bunch more people could have fit!"
Do not generalize me. I parked fine. Please scold the people guilty of said infringement. There's nothing I can do about the parking situation. Thank you.

Only 175 days left.

Insomnia? I wish.

Oh no. It's not insomnia keeping me up on a night when I should be sleeping. I wish it were that simple. But alas, its no medical condition preventing sleep from coming. Then why, you may ask, am I up so late? Because I'm a worrier.
Yep, that's it. Simple as that.
I'm sitting here in my bed tossing and turning because I'm thinking. Constantly.
It's like I can't seem to simply shut my brain down and, not think. That's one thing I want most.
It so simply have the freedom to not have to worry or think about something all the time.
To not be weighted down by my thoughts all the time.
Can people do this?
Is it possible to simply shut down your brain?
I doubt it. But, I shall continue looking.
I just want serenity. I want to calm down. I simply don't want to worry.
I want sleep.

Work will come too soon tomorrow.

In conclusion...I wish it were Insomnia. You can take medicine for that.
Worrying? Not so much.